30th May, 2019

Good Morning,

 

TIME-TIME KI BAAT HAI


It is so tough today to choose whom to wish good morning to first. It was a difficult choice, but in the end, because it is oath-taking ceremony and the man not so long ago proclaimed as a divider in chief will be forming the government and his council. So let me wish good morning to those Bhakts who were jumping with excitement over Times U-turn. Or was it a u-turn?

No, it was the usual whatsappaboutery.

As soon as the online edition hit the internet, Times saw an upsurge in page views but probably no time spent on that page. The winner, as usual, was Whatsapp. WhatsApp manufacturing started, some bhakts called out for Times mukt World, Other bhakts were like Modiji se dar gaya, some cheekier ones even boasted THAT Amit Shah ne morning walk time poocha hoga.

The opinion piece titled “Modi has united India like no Prime Minister in decades” has been written by Manoj Ladwa, who managed the campaign “Narendra Modi for PM” in 2014.

Unity in diversity is what we were looking for but Ladwa likes to believe that hegemony and monopoly of one voice is what unity means.

As Thakuraab on Twitter put it, We would rather be diverse, layered, multicultural, and perhaps a little healthily confused and divided by who we are, what we eat, what we wear, what we speak, who we pray to and how we live. Not homogenised by deranged dark forces imposing their evil commandments on us.

 

 

AS MODI BOWS TO GANDHI, ANOTHER BJP MLA CLAIMS GODSE A HERO

 

 

It is 30th May 2019 and we hope we can say Jaitley ji ko Vanakkam, the worst Finance Minister India has known, but perhaps India’s first ever blogging minister. But onto the man of the hour. While PM Modi will be paying his respect to Gandhi and then Vajpayee, the BJp lawmakers are busy declaring Godse Nationalist. BJP MLA from Mhow, Usha Thakur, has courted controversy by allegedly calling Mahatma Gandhi’s killer Nathuram Godse a “nationalist”. While BJP denied she had said any such thing, Congress condemned the remark and demanded that BJP expel Pragya and Usha from the party. I mean, this is the new normal now. Or at least the attempt is to now normalize Godse as a patriot and a desh bhakt.

 

 

 

A MUSLIM KARGIL WAR HERO WAS ARRESTED IN ASSAM FOR BEING FOREIGN NATIONAL UNDER NRC

 

Mewanwhile, Mohammad Sanaullah, a 52-year-old retiree who furnished documents showing that he had served the Indian Army for 30 years, was arrested on Tuesday in Assam after a tribunal declared him a “foreign national”.

Sanaullah’s cousin and a lawyer have pointed out various discrepancies in his case.

The most glaring one is that he had served in the Indian Army from 1987 to 2017 but somehow the tribynal did not take this record into consideration.

An inquiry report of the border police submitted to the foreigners’ tribunal in 2008 claimed that Sanaullah was 50 years old and his profession was “labour”. The report stated that he came to India through a secret route for a better living. His wife’s nationality was also suspect, the report said.

At the time the border police’s report was prepared in 2008, Sanaullah was then serving in a counter-insurgency operation in Manipur, documents submitted by him showed. Who said the Indian Muslims are not living in a state of soft emergency and fear?

 

 

HEAT WAVES IN

Before we go ahead with some other hilarious news from the last 24 hours, a bit of a heat warning. The maximum temperature in Delhi is expected to cross 46 degrees Celsius soon, private forecaster Skymet said on Wednesday, while predicting the heat wave conditions to continue for up to 12 days in north, central and western parts of the country.

Almost half of India has been put on a heatwave alert, with severe heat conditions expected in Vidarbha, west Rajasthan and possibly in east UP and east MP, in the next couple of days.

 

 

REMEMBER SMRITI IRANI AIDE IN AMETHI WHO WAS MURDERED, TURNS OUT BJP MAN DID IT

 

And now let us get back to the news that wasn’t making it to the newspaper. I remember a few days back my facebook timeline went crazy as bhakts put the onus of the murder of Surendra Singh, BJP Supporter, Smriti Irani’s aide on the Congress and Smriti Irani even carried the body on its journey to last rite like Ekta Kapoor carried her career. Now it turns out that it was the case of a BJP supporter killing a BJP supporter. Director General of Police O.P. Singh said that on the basis of evidence, the victim had a local-level rivalry. One of the accused wanted to contest the panchayat election but Singh was supporting another aspirant.

 

 

#HILARIOUS: MAHARASHTRA POLICE SPENDS HOUR CHASING TWO ‘TERRORISTS’, ARRESTS THEM, ONLY TO DISCOVER THEY WERE PLAYING EXTRA ON MOVIE SET #ISLAMOPHOBIA

And now to the news that I have been waiting to tell you, and I promise, you can’t make this news up. According to TV9 Gujarati, After an hour-long search operation, Mumbai police arrested 2 men suspected to be terrorists, but later turned out to be extras on the sets of Hrithik Roshan and Tiger Shroff’s upcoming action film.

 

 

ISRAEL TO HOLD NEW ELECTIONS AFTER NETANYAHU COALITION TALKS FAIL

 

Where Modi’s dear friend will have to stand for re-election. Israel’s parliament has voted to dissolve itself after Benjamin Netanyahu failed to form a government, in a move that will lead to a second round of elections just one month after the country held a national poll.

 

 

EX TEHRAN MAYOR CONFESSES TO KILLING HIS WIFE ON IRANIAN STATE TV

 

And from one theocratic state, we head to another where Mohammed Ali Najafi, a former mayor of Tehran, turned himself in to Iranian authorities on Tuesday night, where he was greeted by Police.

He said he had killed his wife, Mitra Ostad, ,the night before after threatening her with a gun because she refused to grant him a divorce.

Najafi, 67, a reformist politician, said he killed her accidentally after surprising her in the bathroom at their home in a wealthy Tehran neighborhood.

The dramatic case, Najafi’s bizarre and televised confession, and the hands-off approach of investigating authorities have scandalized, enraged and baffled Iranians, who have long criticized the preferential treatment given to government officials in matters before the law

 

 

NEW ZEALAND BUDGET LEAK: ‘HACKERS’ HAD SIMPLY SEARCHED TREASURY WEBSITE

 

And now on to some more hilarious news which make me really doubt leadership across the world.

Earlier this week, New Zealand’s opposition National Party, released pages of the much-hyped “wellbeing” budget, which should have been under strict embargo until 2pm on Thursday. Treasury officials said there was sufficient evidence that its systems had been “deliberately and systematically hacked”. The police were informed and an investigation was launched.

In an embarrassing twist for the Labour coalition government, police on Thursday said the documents were sourced legally using the search function on Treasury’s website, and the investigation had been closed.

 

WORLD’S TINIEST SURVIVING BABY BORN IN CALIFORNIA

 

Oh, and we are not done yet. But before we give you the least bit of creepy news, let me tell you about the baby girl Saybie. A San Diego hospital on Wednesday revealed the birth of a girl believed to be the world’s tiniest surviving baby, who weighed just 245 grams (about 8.6 ounces) before she was discharged as a healthy infant. Saybie’s ranking as the world’s smallest baby ever to survive is according to the Tiniest Baby registry maintained by the University of Iowa, the hospital said.

 

I wasn’t so surprised by the small baby, as I was about the fact that there is a Tiniest baby registry.

 

 

MOBY CANCELS BOOK TOUR AFTER NATALIE PORTMAN CALLS HIM ‘OLDER MAN BEING CREEPY’ AND DENIES DATING HIM

 

So ya, that’s it. As for the creepy story. Well, my word of advice, don’t be like Moby. Moby has cancelled all of his upcoming public appearances after he was criticised for claiming to have dated Natalie Portman, which she denied.

In the book, THEN IT FELL APART, he wrote in detail about a number of previous relationships and alleged he met the actress when she was 20 and that they dated briefly.

Portman, 37, who said there were “many factual errors and inventions” in his writing and that she was surprised “to hear that he characterised the very short time that I knew him as dating because my recollection is a much older man being creepy with me when I just had graduated high school”.

 

 


So don’t be a MOBY, oh I almost said Modi. Old bad habits. But don’t forget to stay away from heat and hydrated. You get a chance, give a thirsty some water, unless it is day time and it is a fasting muslim.

Until tomorrow, good bye from takeapart.in

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